Truth runs wild, vast as ocean, greater than the constellation, Truth runs wild deep as life, pure as water fall and fierce as forest fire.
Truth runs wild and free.
The truth that I only have. My truth…..
I was walking along the streets, I dont remember what time it was but I knew it was dark. I found myself heading towards the jog spot. Why was I here? I made advances to my so called destination, I could feel and listen the crunches as I walked over those fallen leaves and twigs.
The neighborhood was awkwardly silent . I imagined aliens abducting everyone overnight and shook my head in disbelief of my childish thoughts.
Afterall it was normal, the silence! What would I expect to see at this hour anyway but somehow I knew the silence was hurtful rather than peaceful.
I felt this sudden urgency inside me. I felt the silence was trying to swallow me. I tried to get away from this. I wanted to scream, Just scream any form of words but I found myself struggling to choose the words. I asked myself the most queer question, “What would I scream?” This question just intruiged my urgency even more. I felt like the faceless monster of silence trying to grip me.
As my adrenalin accelerated I reacted by running. My footsteps thumped over those fallen leaves and twigs bringing distruption in their initial position I guess. It was still dark and afterall everything was just merely a guess! As I advanced my speed the surrounding around me oddly enough managed to be more darker and it eventually ended up being pitch black.
I engulfed huge smoulders of air into my lungs as if someone has blocked my trachea but I still didn’t dare to stop nor look back. I ran faster, I ran till my feets were numb.
Suddenly, I stopped. I stopped running and fell on my knees almost like surrending. I wasn’t consious anymore, I was panting constantly, reaching out for air.
I felt a shot of pain inside me. The pain wasn’t a sudden one. It was just like it’s been there the whole time, it was me who failed to realize. I felt like someone was pinning on me or or a heavy weight was on my chest. I wanted it off me so badly.
I struggled to reach out to something but I failed, I tore open my jacket hoping for some relief. I wanted to scream again but this time I felt drops of water dripping on my hands wetting my cheeks. those muffled screams managed to come in the form of tears. In no time I was brusting into tears and wailing like a blithering idiot.”
The dark hour refers to the upcoming time in my life and the silence monster is the responsibilities that come along as the age of innocence strips off.
I feel numb. I see my life, my plans crashing down because of only and only one reason. They are non existent. They dont exist because half of the time my mind is juggling between hope of possibilities which are often shattered by the harsh slap of reality.
They say, “The truth behind the life I want is unreal But the life that I tend to want is real.”
Isn’t easy as it seems. Isn’t as worthy to jeopardise everything but breathing yet stoping to live isn’t easy either.
Walls of responsibility can’t be teared down, It can escaped though. But isn’t esacaping an act of cowardice.
So, I am trying to search my truth in the wild. Trying make peace with it,with life because it is all I have, all I need, and all I can do.
“Pack yourself a toothbrush dear
Pack yourself a favorite blouse
Take a withdrawal slip, take all of your savings out
Cause if we don’t leave this town
We might never make it out
I was not born to drown, baby come on”