You are like my wine stained shirt that I can not, should not wear.

You are like my wine stained shirt that I can not, should not wear.

I know better at this point.I must, because I  cannot go through all this. Not again. Not with you.

You are the high tides of clear blue water which never stays constant nor that it should. Otherwise that would be unnatural.

Yet somewhere inside me I have this slightest bit of tendency towards incase. Incase you notice the change, incase you want to break the natural, because I don’t have no guts to do it.

Lucky ones are only held more than just a friend.

I just happen to fall under the unlucky.

An unlucky who wishes you would just consider the million reasons I give you everyday to just acknowledge the incase, the alternative of being a still blue water; staying in, holding on, canoodling with the unlucky because months and months of back and forth just cuts more deep.

You see that is a rare case i.e. unlucky turning into the lucky ones.

A rare case that tears up my expectations, manipulates my decisions, makes me fall on my knees. A rare case that makes me an unlucky fool pondering over a smile, a touch hoping it meant more than it is supposed to. Most of all it is frustrating to see myself standing back where I always stood before.

It is like I have lost the ability of being mobile, lost the ability of being heard as my lungs are filled with water and my screams are muffled under water.

I know you are happy now with your lucky man and last thing you would want is me barging into the places where I am not expected.

So, I decide to stay out because I know you will refuse to stay in.

Your attention is all I want but not like this. I want us to cross that delicate line of friend zone but isn’t possible when you patch up suddenly with someone with whom you have a relationship younger as a minute.

Then it isn’t even your fault. How can you answer something I never asked?

Eventually, I will have to let it all go. But you are like my favorite wine stained shirt which can neither be seen going to waste nor can be worn. 

This was my twisted love on the straight pathway built out of friendzone.

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Man enough?

Man enough?

(Join us to normalize modern masculinity. Let’s just get rid of these gender stereotypes.)

Maybe I was around 5 years old. My daddy had bought me a new 4 wheeler pedal bike. I was able to learn it as quick as possible and then after few weeks my dad got rid of the small wheels at the back of my ride. 

I was terrified with this modification. I felt that it was somehow wrong but my dad insisted it wasn’t. 

So, I did as he told. I sat on my cycle with out my deepest consent and I looked up at him with a frown of disbelief.

He returned the warmest smile and said, “Go on I will be grabbing right back at your seat” I said, “I can’t do it!” and all I heard was “just pedal.” So, I pedaled as slow as I could but my heart was beating faster than anything. 

I was constantly screaming “Don’t let go yet! I am not ready” But little did I know my dad wasn’t behind me. When realization hit me hard I lost my balance and fell down.
I could feel my tears running down the top of my nose. It felt a bit tingly but in a weird way. From distant I see my dad running towards me with a little box. I knew that box had a brown liquid which would give my wound a burning sensation. I never understood why my parents would give me box of pain instead of box of healing. 

My dad came up to me with that “I got it all under control” look. He wore his spectacles like he wears before doing any important thing and he started cleaning my wound with the brown liquid. My agitation increased and I probably cried louder but my dad said, “Don’t cry. This will just take a minute! You are big boy right? High five, High five me. Say you’re a man: ‘I’m a man!’” 

At the end of the dressing session I was whimpering, with screwed up face flashing anger, gritting my teeth and pounding my chest, barking “I’m a man”

We get that society has pressurized women to look and act in a certain way for centuries. But how many of us has ever realized that men are also expected to look and act in a certain manner? It is depressing as a man to verify and re-verify masculinity, our own identity.

 It is funny how a set of unwritten rules have affected us this much. The responsibilities with bunch of pros and cons are deep rooted in people’s mind. We are expected to be that young angry men with the sportsmanship on the top. There is a liability for men to be presented in a certain ways otherwise they are assumed as un-masculine by all adolescents, pre-adolescents and even adults sometimes.

So, I want to talk about how people and we men ourselves throw this subject under a rug just because we are too ashamed to deal with this.

With women lashing out on banners like, “RISE OF WOMEN” “BETTER THAN MEN” is only widening the gender gap between men and women. I guess this is the time where women should give some space, cut some slack. Just enough with “he is men” and “she is women” I guess this is the high time for young people to be relevant with the modern masculinity, Knowledge of equality that should be passed down to our upcoming generation.

If women are encouraged with being emotionally honest than men should be also encouraged equally to recognize and speak about the spiritual damage they are suffering from years and years. With the media projecting the same heroic stereotypes over and over again. 

We are obliged to form an image of an ideal man that says in a bold letter, “WE ARE MEN WE DON’T FEEL ANYTHING!” Examples of these destructive behaviors range from the socially approved, such as workaholism, to the criminally punishable, such as drug addiction and violence. Men are twice as likely as women to suffer from rage disorders.

Society has bunch of unattainable and unobtainable standard in store for us. This is our time to get past through the out dated ideas of definition of “real man”. Real man is someone who accepts his flaws. Listens to others and let himself speak out his emotions. We just need to stop searching stereotypes in men rather we need to live and let live. Stop slaughtering of young men in the name of proving their own identity.