Man enough?

Man enough?

(Join us to normalize modern masculinity. Let’s just get rid of these gender stereotypes.)

Maybe I was around 5 years old. My daddy had bought me a new 4 wheeler pedal bike. I was able to learn it as quick as possible and then after few weeks my dad got rid of the small wheels at the back of my ride. 

I was terrified with this modification. I felt that it was somehow wrong but my dad insisted it wasn’t. 

So, I did as he told. I sat on my cycle with out my deepest consent and I looked up at him with a frown of disbelief.

He returned the warmest smile and said, “Go on I will be grabbing right back at your seat” I said, “I can’t do it!” and all I heard was “just pedal.” So, I pedaled as slow as I could but my heart was beating faster than anything. 

I was constantly screaming “Don’t let go yet! I am not ready” But little did I know my dad wasn’t behind me. When realization hit me hard I lost my balance and fell down.
I could feel my tears running down the top of my nose. It felt a bit tingly but in a weird way. From distant I see my dad running towards me with a little box. I knew that box had a brown liquid which would give my wound a burning sensation. I never understood why my parents would give me box of pain instead of box of healing. 

My dad came up to me with that “I got it all under control” look. He wore his spectacles like he wears before doing any important thing and he started cleaning my wound with the brown liquid. My agitation increased and I probably cried louder but my dad said, “Don’t cry. This will just take a minute! You are big boy right? High five, High five me. Say you’re a man: ‘I’m a man!’” 

At the end of the dressing session I was whimpering, with screwed up face flashing anger, gritting my teeth and pounding my chest, barking “I’m a man”

We get that society has pressurized women to look and act in a certain way for centuries. But how many of us has ever realized that men are also expected to look and act in a certain manner? It is depressing as a man to verify and re-verify masculinity, our own identity.

 It is funny how a set of unwritten rules have affected us this much. The responsibilities with bunch of pros and cons are deep rooted in people’s mind. We are expected to be that young angry men with the sportsmanship on the top. There is a liability for men to be presented in a certain ways otherwise they are assumed as un-masculine by all adolescents, pre-adolescents and even adults sometimes.

So, I want to talk about how people and we men ourselves throw this subject under a rug just because we are too ashamed to deal with this.

With women lashing out on banners like, “RISE OF WOMEN” “BETTER THAN MEN” is only widening the gender gap between men and women. I guess this is the time where women should give some space, cut some slack. Just enough with “he is men” and “she is women” I guess this is the high time for young people to be relevant with the modern masculinity, Knowledge of equality that should be passed down to our upcoming generation.

If women are encouraged with being emotionally honest than men should be also encouraged equally to recognize and speak about the spiritual damage they are suffering from years and years. With the media projecting the same heroic stereotypes over and over again. 

We are obliged to form an image of an ideal man that says in a bold letter, “WE ARE MEN WE DON’T FEEL ANYTHING!” Examples of these destructive behaviors range from the socially approved, such as workaholism, to the criminally punishable, such as drug addiction and violence. Men are twice as likely as women to suffer from rage disorders.

Society has bunch of unattainable and unobtainable standard in store for us. This is our time to get past through the out dated ideas of definition of “real man”. Real man is someone who accepts his flaws. Listens to others and let himself speak out his emotions. We just need to stop searching stereotypes in men rather we need to live and let live. Stop slaughtering of young men in the name of proving their own identity.

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Being selfishly ignorant might be the most selfless thing you’ve done to yourself

Being selfishly ignorant might be the most selfless thing you’ve done to yourself

The world is filled with various serial killers, sociopaths, bullies and some self proclaimed dicks but the scariest thing to us is our low self esteem. No matter how many decades or centuries (vampires included) you have lived your life you will never have a 100% self esteem. Any big or small incident that occurs in your life just makes you question yourself at night. Our low esteem don’t change we just get way too better at hiding at it. But looking at the brighter side sometimes we find ourselves being utterly happy and satisfied with ourselves. We even love our faces when we open the front camera for selfies. Turns out the whole thing is just a huge emotional roller coaster and people got a phrase for it “LIFE”

The first thing we learn after our birth is communication. The irony is the more we grow the harder it becomes to keep up with the communication. Especially when it is on a touchy subject and everyone just can’t help but keep the hands off it and we are obviously likely to have those moments where we lose our inner patience and can’t deal with it anymore. I have way lot more incidents where I badly needed the art of ignorance.

We Nepalese have SLC examination on the 10th grade. It is like the most important thing for a student. The whole nation is going to be curious about the results. So it is a quite big deal here. If you are a SLC candidate and the result has been just published there is no chance that you can get away without being asked about it on the streets of the town. In the true sophisticated Nepalese Society fashion the questions like “what was the division OR percentage?” were raining on me from the prying eyes and awful sugary mouths of my neighbors. Being a decent good boy I would answer “I got 75.66% sir”. If the conversation would have ended in this point I would have been happier than anyone but it goes on and on as they would eventually raise their eyebrows having a sympathetic face and say something like, “Oh! Dear so sad that you missed distinction” and they expect me to agree with them in return! Basically wouldn’t leave until I blurt something about regretting and promise of bringing good marks next time. They literally want me to bang my fists on the wall, cry my eye balls out for not a having distinction. I got the same repeated reaction from various relatives and other people for months. Of course there were some cool blokes too who would just encourage and say that was good marks. But the majority was from the people I described above. I know they are saying a nice thing but ain’t nothing is nice if it hurts your feelings and lower your self confidence in you.

The little itsy bitsy superstition popular in our society is that people here have a mindset that the teens change physically, taking more care of themselves in the free time after SLC and increase their beauty standards. I mean I won’t deny the fact that I have seen various beasts turn into beauties or handsome whatever. But err…….it is not gravitation people! Not applicable to everyone in the universe. So, my cousin and I went for visiting Basantapur and casually hung out on a random lounge. This was supposed to be a peaceful day but plot twists as she asks me “Why are you still the same?” Of course my first reaction would be “my pardon!” and she rants about the whole SLC-BeautyBeast-Transformation issue and clearly agrees with the fact that I am a fat, sloppy, good for nothing, ugly, nerd. BUT HEY WHAT’S WRONG WITH THAT! She also tries to explain me how we should be able to reminisce our teenage version proudly when we get older in life. In order to be proud of it I have to get six packs and wear those uncomfortable jeans. Not only girls but guys are also facing the pressure of being lean and on shape. What I believe is obesity isn’t good for any one if it is harming your health but if you are healthy you have to force yourself OR starve just to prove you look good. Anyway I didn’t feel good about myself for about a week after this conversation and Would I ever hangout with my cousin the answer is big fat NO. Now I do strongly believe that I don’t want to reminisce myself as a hot hunk rather I would like to make people remember me as an optimistic ray of sunlight who can turn a desert into a roadside buffet party with two rainbows on sky.

We all know high school is a hell lot of drama in a particular place. Being fresher for the 11th grade is awkward. Nobody wants to be friend with you let alone the dating part. In this rush you kind of don’t have time to choose your friends circle. With out thinking anything much you bash into some funky group or create a group in order to drink cheap beers and protest about the things we don’t even care about. But there is always a weight obsessed guy in a group who haunts you by the crazy ideas of losing weight and giving you unwanted solutions. This isn’t good at all. You don’t want help until you actually seek for it. People should really stop reminding others that they are out of shape more times than they should. Even those people who are comfortable on their own skin gets insecure due the sayings of people. I mean working on your flaws is a good thing but there is also a fine line between hard working and being paranoid. Another people whom we meet is the one who is suffering from “verbal diarrhea” an earthquake might occur but they don’t mind stop talking. If you sit with these people in class you surely will pass with a bad grade because you won’t get a minute of your teacher’s lecture when the gossip is out on the table. I don’t know why but these sorts of people RUIN and MAKE my day at the same time. They are so warm and fuzzy but I can’t trust them completely which makes me feel bad and I feel like I am betraying a friend. And good for nothing guilt phase starts.
Senior year of the school is stressful. Overly due homework, unfinished essays, tests and our sweaty hair/faces are few of the many reasons we are on a jumpy state. Last thing we would want is set of random people judging you and giving you random counseling. We’ve got 99 problems but those people who hover around and stick their nose on other’s business ain’t going to be one of em’

People might say this is over thinking and an article from a crazy person but that is what I feel about when it comes to conversation on touchy subjects of our life with world even though I will never ever admit it and I don’t know why! Either I am too lazy to do so OR I am too afraid to see my clear reflection of who I am. But at the end of the day all that matters is our happiness and satisfaction. If we don’t feel comfortable with anything or anyone I don’t think we are bound to stay around them. I don’t mean running away is solution but I guess we should also learn to ignore the stupid theories of people about life and concentrate on surrounding ourselves with more inspiring and admiring people. Challenge ourselves to move on. I am still saying and I always will say “It is okay to turn into a monosyllabic goon if you don’t want to be a part of the conversation or take the suggestions! You are not being selfishly ignorant you are just doing the most selfless thing to yourself!”