I know you won’t remember in the morning, when I speak my mind.

I know you won’t remember in the morning, when I speak my mind.

An exception, liability, outcast, out of league and much more but not someone whom you ask to stay.

  After our obvious deeds. I feel our young and blue bodies interwined as we lay. I can inhale you from you hair, felt so damn homely. 

As the night gets youthful, I talk about my friends, family, my aspirations and beliefs as we spoon. I can feel your breath in my arm, head rested on my chest. I feel such a man.
I tell you eveything i am and i am not. You say, “never realized you actually do talk alot” we both laugh at that.

I tell her all my truth. My sinful truth, my ugly truth.      

The more I dive between the future and the past. I see her fading away as I watch her bored hefty eyelids shutting down in a slow pace with her pupils dancing beneath them, dreaming other things but us.

I understand,  hence I stare at her and quit my blather about our non-existent relationship. Afterall, I was an exception.   A needy exception indeed.

I suddenly feel the heavy pit in my stomach. My intution tells me to get out of there.    Correction: sneak out. I recollect my mess of a wardobe from the floor.

Everything moved fast as she didnt smell home anymore. It was bizzare for me to stay out of my bed this late.
Without even glancing a last look back i sneak out. Get a cab. Cry while I returned back home. It felt vunerable to open up, didnt fancy the idea of being myself and not being cared enough. 

I get home, mum chokes me with her love and concern. I dont make eye contact. Brush my teeth and disappear in my comfortable sheets and fluffy pillow. Nothing feels more homely than this. 

A place where I musnt need to keep my hopes low. A place where expectation is dead while the hope is a ghost.  No one toys with the hopeless.  

Once a liability, always a liability.

Yours, Truly disastrous.

Yours, Truly disastrous.

Sorry, there is nothing pure about the things we do.

You fight so hard, so much,

Not to be seen, loved or heard.

 

Then, someone looks at you differently,

And it’s fine.

To give it in, tear it down, stripping it all.

 

But,

 

Vulnerability makes you loose it like shit.

 

They say, “Give it to the fire.”

Your pride, guilt, lust, teeth and yourself………….

 

She spits fire as she gets close

My skin screams, ignites;

I feel the screech of fear and pleasure

 

I run away from fear.

I run back for pleasure.

Pushing up my toes,

Wanting more.

 

We work it out like sun and moon,

I only glow when I am reflecting off of you.

Or, at least we believed so.

 

Guess what! You should know about us more.

No, we shouldn’t.

Or maybe we should.

 

There are perfect graceless nights when you stay.

We suffer from amnesia,

Forget about the distance monster.

 

In the morning,

You go away because you need to.

And I understand because I have to.

 

There is nothing pure about any of this.

 

 

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Sorry, I was never born to drown.

 

We sit down to eat,

We have nothing to say

 

The breakfast gets as cold as our feelings.

 

Sorry, I was too busy seeing happy people on other table.

Sorry, I was too busy swallowing the big lump in my throat.

 

With that follows scream,

Screams that form words, “psychopath, sociopath and foul”

 

Then, you and I leave.

We return back,

Blame it to the long distance monster.

 

But What about the monsters we tuck under our beds?

Our tongues get tied up as we hide each other’s demons.

 

There was nothing pure about us.

We were together for a summer,

After that it was just 9 month’s long influence.

 

I wish it wasn’t influence

I wish it was love.

 

So, you came back

You are here now

I ask, “For how long?”

“Summer break!” she says

 

You are here now

And the perfect graceless nights are merely obligations.

 

We are nothing more than jewelries.

Easily worn and taken off.

 

Told us we were like sun and moon.

Every night I live and you die.

And it gets eclipsed when we meet.

 

You shouldn’t have trusted me.

You know how moon works,

It changes everyday.

so do I.

 

I know I tore you open with my ignorance

We both know we tried to feel anything at all.

We failed to recreate graceless nights similar to our remembrance.

 

I know it is gonna hurt.

So, I will run away first.

 

Soon enough,

Someone will love us.

But that someone isn’t us.

 

She wishes to never meet me, she knows.

I am falling back to the dark hole I came from

And I never felt this safe to curl up while expectation snows.

 

So, fuck you!

 

Dark hole was never a place.

Until I created it.

People call it being alone.

I call it “not drowning into someone else’s shit”

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