An exception, liability, outcast, out of league and much more but not someone whom you ask to stay.
After our obvious deeds. I feel our young and blue bodies interwined as we lay. I can inhale you from you hair, felt so damn homely.
As the night gets youthful, I talk about my friends, family, my aspirations and beliefs as we spoon. I can feel your breath in my arm, head rested on my chest. I feel such a man.
I tell you eveything i am and i am not. You say, “never realized you actually do talk alot” we both laugh at that.
I tell her all my truth. My sinful truth, my ugly truth.
The more I dive between the future and the past. I see her fading away as I watch her bored hefty eyelids shutting down in a slow pace with her pupils dancing beneath them, dreaming other things but us.
I understand, hence I stare at her and quit my blather about our non-existent relationship. Afterall, I was an exception. A needy exception indeed.
I suddenly feel the heavy pit in my stomach. My intution tells me to get out of there. Correction: sneak out. I recollect my mess of a wardobe from the floor.
Everything moved fast as she didnt smell home anymore. It was bizzare for me to stay out of my bed this late.
Without even glancing a last look back i sneak out. Get a cab. Cry while I returned back home. It felt vunerable to open up, didnt fancy the idea of being myself and not being cared enough.
I get home, mum chokes me with her love and concern. I dont make eye contact. Brush my teeth and disappear in my comfortable sheets and fluffy pillow. Nothing feels more homely than this.
A place where I musnt need to keep my hopes low. A place where expectation is dead while the hope is a ghost. No one toys with the hopeless.
Once a liability, always a liability.