who I am and why I’m here

Hello internet world!! My name is lalahang! Queer name? Well let me break it down for y’all! I love being buzzed which means I hum all the time and make chokers out of paper clips for my girlfriend! Just kidding. Trust me the only thing existing in my life with the word buzz is Buzzfeed videos! Back to the point I guess we can all relate to the fact that “lala” is the phrase that the entire world understands. I know that mostly people use to describe kinky stuffs like “ohh la la that is sizzling” or whatever but according to me “lala” kinda represents music and happiness in general but it also doesn’t represent any language it is just free and out there. “lala” is a universal word. And just adding a “hang” means that I just got a hang of the word “lala”!
I am guy marching towards 17TH birthday and I am awkward as fuck! Being a queer teenager hasn’t always been smooth. Rough patches like bullies make the good times hard to come by. I am not soooo defensive about bully which doesn’t mean I am supportive either. It is just one of those subjects which are sealed as “unsolved” in my mind. According to my experience I feel like bully isn’t exactly what hurts us! The actual thing that eats up is the fact that we won’t be left with any friends. Bullies are natural I guess. We all know the relationship between predator and preys! Even in the pack of animals the stronger one seems to boss around making the weak ones victim of bullying. But here is the point we are not animals. We can create a better place by dumping bullies and all the negative stuffs which by the way also seems impossible from the point of constructive criticism. I can’t give crash course on “101 how to get away with bully” because I haven’t experienced what you have experienced and vice versa. I guess taking negative comments seriously and stressing ourselves isn’t a good idea at all. This is my last year on high school and I spent half of it’s year being a sad loner wandering off the school like a ghost. Trust me my creep level traveled or still travels on an escalator! It’s as high as Harry Potter’s Luna Lovegood (by the way never understood what’s wrong with that) But I am not bound to sit here and talk about not having a normal high school experience due to bullies and low esteem shit. Honestly speaking I don’t give a fuck about it! In fact looking at the bigger picture these days I am mostly concerned about the things I have never seen, things I have never been, and things I have never touched before you get serious vibes of Rihanna’s song “work” from the upper sentence! Let me insight you that the subject I am concerned is summed up to 6 letters word “future” I mean who isn’t thinking about the future anyway? Instead of worrying about studies I worry about my dates which never go right. My 12th grade starts this September and I feel like I am going to die single. #SingleForever
We all know about accidents! Don’t we? I bet my life we do. Anyway “Accidents” what kind of image flashes our brain flashes when we first hear the phrase? I bet the images aren’t that pleasing even though I think that accidents are just really important for us as oxygen or water. You must me thinking I am some mad guy who discovered blogging at this point but I do believe it. Actually accidents are what make our life interesting. Accident doesn’t happen all the time that is why life sometimes is boring. Accidents are major or minor. You reunite unexpectedly with your old friend while having lunch OR you reunite with your old friend while you are making out with some random chick on some funky club’s toilet stall #kinky. Either way in the both terms you meet your friend but the first one is happy accident where the second is kinda sorta embarrassing.

I just love giving everything in this world my own theory. I love communicating with people and thinking things differently but if I would actually talk my feelings and opinions to people! Either, I would end up being straight murdered or I would faint due to loss of the calories and stamina from my speaking. So I write! I write whatever I feel even though I write sometimes “I don’t feel anything!” but hey don’t be offensive not feeling anything is also a kind of feeling. I also write whatever I see last time I found myself describing my cat’s arse which is pink by the way. Writing always has been an escape from stress and way of pouring out my bottled up feelings. My diary was my best friend for years. I believe it still is the most un-judgmental friend in my life. Being a dude doesn’t stop me commencing my journal from “dear diary”. I am awed at the fact that how writing things actually build my inner patience and I mean there are practically endless adjectives which make the right sense of what I am actually feeling. Blokes around me are like, “Dude! Writing is so boring. Let’s hit the club and have fun.” But usually I make absurd excuses like I am baby sitting my egg plant. This doesn’t mean that I don’t go to parties or out at all but spending more than 2 hours on a loud music area filled with boozy kids makes me feel nauseas. I usually return home in time which makes me wanna compare myself to Cinderella as if my clothes would be disappeared and I would be running around naked by the midnight which might be even true as I act crazy, horribly once I finish 2 bottles of beer and 8 cheese burgers. I guess even using me and alcohol in the same sentences is toxic.
Speaking of blogging I never actually planned on blogging. But one day I wrote a feedback g-mail to a writer on his column on the national newspaper that is a different story which I would love to share someday! He actually wrote me a long reply letter describing how my feedback was wonderful and how he started his writing career from blogs. I thought why not to give it a try! I have always wanted to be a writer. Just the idea of making people feel things has always given me a weird sensation on the back of my neck and the arms causing Goosebumps.

Our life is filled with all kind of accidents. Some are shared while some are left untold. This is where the subject of blogging enters like the Spiderman in captain America: winter solider. Lol I am not mad about it! Are you? That is exactly why I love blogging. All those feelings suppressed inside us like we are the only human left in the entire universe. We need to all let it out! Our feelings aren’t some van full of old junks to be removed. They need time to be processed and writing plays an important role for me. Reading might help for some people experiencing the same thing. I would me more than happy if I could just put anything out there that is relateable to people including a hairbrush. The magical feeling of bringing smile on people’s face and letting them know they are not the only one who looks like a stupid potato, who feels horrible while going to bed at the end of the day because he/she hasn’t done anything productive. Discussing people about how we feel, relating to endless people and talking about the weird things which will never get conclusions. This helps to widen our perspectives, inspires us on being a proper functioning human beings with duties towards our human companions! I can’t wait to be in the future where we aren’t labeled by our skin color and ethnicity, where people aren’t judged with their sexuality, economical status and body type. I would love to live in the world “where mind is without fear, where we held our heads high!” (waddup Rabindranath Tagore poem reference)

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